One of the best edicts in life to follow is this: eat more poke and HANGLOOSE, BRAH! Poke is like a disassembled sushi roll with only the best ingredients in bowl form. This means more Tuna and less nonsense.

Let’s get to it. Follow these steps and you will be successful in your poke endeavors.

First, acquire a suitably Hawaiian vehicle for transportation. This ’96 2.7L Taco on 33’s shall do nicely. Mud is optional, but preferable.



If you’re in the San Jose area, go to Santo Market in Japantown.


Head to the back of the grocer and ask the people at the deli stand for as much poke as you can handle in one sitting. I personally ordered about 0.4lbs of both Shoyu and Spicy poke. I also grabbed a bit of ocean salad on the side, because it’s important to keep a meal balanced – folks.


Once back home, cook up some rice. I chose brown rice, but you may want to use short-grain white rice to better match the texture of the meal. My cooking instrument of choice is the Zojirushi NS-TSC10, which has consistently delivered great rice.


Throw everything on a plate and stay blessed.


Afterwards, be sure to hit the gym to reap those GAINS. Remember to throw up that Shaka. I’m out.

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